I’ve always thought that the most important questions in life were the questions we asked of ourselves, not other people. This is definitely true within a dating scenario or a relationship.

Let's look back into a previous relationship for a moment. You and a guy are dating, and of course, things are going GREAT in the beginning. He is romantic , affectionate and open. You have a fantastic connection and the sparks are flying. You thought you finally learned how to Catch Him and Keep Him.

After a while, maybe you start seeing some immaturity on his part, or he starts pulling away a little bit, or maybe not appreciating all the things you do for him. That first night he wants to go out with the guys – that sucks. I know; I’ve been there too.

You, of course, start reading all the dating tips you can get your hands on. You check out Christian Carter and Catch Him and Keep Him, which is, if you didn’t notice, one of my favorite dating tips experts. You start over-thinking everything he says, does or did. You imagine what he is thinking, you imagine him ogling other women or even cheating on you.

So, you finally decide to talk to him about what's going on. You think about it for hours and choose just the right words. You know that if you just point these things out to him, that he is going to see exactly what is going on. But then you actually have the talk…and it does not go the way you planned at all.

Instead of him understanding your intentions to better your relationship – he got irritated or withdrew from you. He did not hear what you were saying with your heart – he heard nagging and ultimatums. The ultimate no-no for men, according to Christian Carter.

Have you ever seen this scenario before? Perhaps in another relationship? Is this maybe a negative pattern that you have with men? Why is he not hearing what you are saying to him?

This is the million dollar question for most women. Because what it is really asking is not necessarily what I can fix in HIM, but what I can fix in myself to begin. I firmly believe that as women, we spend far too much time trying to fix other people, when we really need to focus on OURSELVES.

Perhaps there is a pattern here you can eliminate, such as getting too committed to a relationship too quickly, or exhibiting negative attitudes, jealousy or even perfectionism. Are you needy, dependent or trying to manipulate him through your actions or deeds? In essence, the best thing I ever learned when it comes to dating tips was to look inside myself for the answers. Thank you Christian Carter for teaching ME this.